once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
