Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
