I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
