We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
