I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
