I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm jealous of your bromance
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
