there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
