I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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