I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
