Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
