Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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