What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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