Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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