I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
