Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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