I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The air was thick with penises
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
