I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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