I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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