guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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