my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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