my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
