Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
