is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
