everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
