its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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