Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
