he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
