I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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