Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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