I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
