I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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