I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
