if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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