I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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