The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
