Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
