I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
