Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
