hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
