is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
this is an emotional support booty call
I want to fling myself into the sun
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
