I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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