I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
