I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
