Plan B is the new Plan A
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
