I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
