So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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