Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Small penises have feelings too.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
