If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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