That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
