i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
