Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
