she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
