I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
