now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
