I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
