He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
