He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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