Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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