my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
