he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
