I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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