we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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