The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize