you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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