oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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