i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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