just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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