Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
